I'm pretty good at giving advice. I talk to most of my friends about their relationship - or lack of - issues. I try my damndest to put everything into a "coed perspective." Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I will side with the girl for the sake of it.
I've built my entire persona on being straight with you. I don't lie. Well, let me refrain. Everyone white lies - that shirt looks great, no you don't need to lose weight, you sounded great singing up there. I mean, I don't lie. There's nothing to gain from a lie and let's face it, 90% of the time you're caught. I'm brutally honest at times. If the situation was reversed - I'd want someone to be brutally honest with me as well.
Maybe that's why so many friends trust my advice. Whether or not they take it is a completely different story. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "I should have listened to you" in the past. Kinda makes you feel warm and tingly inside. I try to look at both sides of every situation. A lot of friends will tell you more often than not they aren't hearing what they were hoping to hear.
This all comes from a conversation this morning with a friend. He met a girl and is interested in getting to know her. the ticker: he has hooked up with her friend on more than one occassion. He brings this up as if it's a dilemma. There were never any ties to the girl as a girlfriend or anything more than a semi-regular "booty-call." My advice was simple. If you think this girl is worth getting to know - that she wouldn't just be another "booty-call" - go for it. What right does the girl who never had anything more than a romp session have to be mad?
Now I know there's the whole "you don't go after a friend's ex" rule that has been etched in stone by some unkown relationship fairy. I totally agree with it. Even to this day - if any of my friends started to date any of my more serious relationships from my past - I'd be hurt and pretty pissed off. That's a line that shouldn't be crossed. But, if I hooked up with this kid a few times and my best friend started to have genuine feelings or the potential to have those feelings for him, I'd give them my blessing (not that they'd need it). It may be weird at first, but we'd all get over it.
From a simple 7 minute conversation with my friend, I've realized a lot. I've been married going on three years. If i was thrown back into the dating game tomorrow - I don't know how well I'd fair. I know that's expected from someone married 30 years and they suddenly lose their spouse. I get that it's a little absurd, that a 24 year old would look like a deer caught in headlights if she was thrown back out there, but let's be serious.
Don't get me wrong - I did pretty well for myself when I was single. But don't get it twisted, I wasn't promiscuous. However, Marriage not only changes your mind set, maturity level and ability to truley be with someone...it also changes your body, haha.
My relationship has made me grow up a lot. I don't think I'm always right anymore, haha. I learned to have patience, and understanding. I've been able to look at his side of every situation as well. If I was single after this time, tossed back into the world, trying to fight for the happiness I've been blessed with already, I'd fail miserably. I'd blame it on be able to give good advice. That I'm never "neutral", I always have an opinion and share it well - but I don't even agree with myself at times. It'd be like having a relationship with myself. If you can't stand your own ground after a while because you look at everything from outside the box, how would you ever survive a new relationship.
I guess it's a really good thing I have so many people who trust my advice/opinions. It continues to make me who I am and it stops me from taking advantage of the life I've already settled into. So my advice now: stand your ground, try new things, and most important - fall in love. After all, if you guys don't...who am I going to be able to give my advice too....
No comments:
Post a Comment