A mother's fear...

I swear a mother's fear is like no other. The sense of urgency that comes over you the minute you sense anything at all is wrong with your child, is a feeling to get used to.

Having many family and friends that I've cared about over the years - I've obviously worried about people. When Chris goes out w/ the guys for a few drinks, I worry about him driving drunk and not making it home. I've come to expect phone calls through out the night to know he's okay. If a friend confides in me that things are going tough in her life, I worry she's not making the right choice. I worry when a family member is having a bad day, no matter how small the situation may be. I worry about the people I love.

But to worry about a child is a whole new experience. You worry about their future and how their life will pan out. If they will grow up healthy, strong, happy, smart, friendly and maybe a little popular. ;)

I worry anytime Liam gets sick - which lately feels like all the time. I get a knot inside my stomach that twists, turns and jabs until I get confirmation everything will be alright. The dreaded teething fever, the unforgiveable wheeze or the impossible stuffy nose has affected my nerves more than once in his short life. The anxiety that fills you up inside can get to be so overwhelming, especially when you weren't the one to stay home with him that day.

The questions from coworkers on his status probe the endless texts and phone calls to get updates. Sometimes what you really want is a small distraction. Something to put your mind at ease, if only for a moment. To hear his fever is back - or higher - begins to weigh heavier and heavier on your shoulders. You dread that you're not the one with him at home and you watch the clock slowly tick time away.

Before you have a child - you hear people say "I never knew I could love someone so much"...well guess what, it's true. The emotional attachment you get, the unconditional love and the longing fears that he's always going to be okay are just some of the feelings you go through on a day to day basis. It's the most amazing feeling to be someone's everything without any judgement. For someone to love you as much as you love them, is the greatest feeling you could ever achieve. The fact that I worry about him, the feeling of helplessness when he's sick and can't tell me what's wrong, the fear you get inside on their first trip to the E.R., it's all absolutely 100% worth it. Because when I see that smile looking back at me, even when he's spiked a 102.4 fever, the look in his eyes that mommy and daddy will always be his hero (at least until the teen years) makes every fear, smile, tear and laugh the most amazing feelings I'll ever experience.

ps - UC is AWESOME ;)